When asked if I would write a blog about my weight loss journey, I wasn’t sure what I would write about so I thought about it. I have 38 years of battles with weight loss to talk about. Surely, I can find something to discuss.
As far back as I can remember I have been larger than every other person in my age group. I don’t ever recall “fitting in.” I didn’t play sports, run track or anything that I had to be physical at. I just went to school and did what I was told. I didn’t have anything that I was really good at other than losing and gaining weight. I can remember my grandpa trying to bribe me to lose weight. He would give me $20-50 if I would lose 20-50 lbs. I never would lose the weight before the cutoff so I never got the money. However, I did get my very first lesson of what having a carrot dangling in front of you but not being able to get it, feels like. And so goes the next 30 years of my life chasing that carrot.
I have been up and down the scales my entire life. It wasn’t until 2 years ago that I made a conscious decision to change and put a stop to all of the toxins that I allow into my life. Some of you may know that I am a recovering alcoholic. My sobriety date is May 29, 2013. I have a sponsor who also has a sponsor and I go to meetings regularly. I apply what I learn in meetings to my everyday life. Yes, this means that I apply them to my food choices as well. I was talking to JP this morning (after he kicked my tail in personal training) that I have decided to cut out processed sugars. Such as cake, ice cream and candy. I’m 3 days in and so far so good. It is a day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute and second by second effort. Being honest with myself is very important for my recovery. I am powerless over alcohol and I am powerless over sugar. I can replace the word “alcohol” with any other word that I am powerless over and for some reason it changes it in my head.
My journey is just that…..my journey. I can’t tell people what to do and they can’t tell me what to do when it comes to food. All I can do is share my experience, strength, and hope with those who will listen. Food will always be there and I won’t always make the best choice. However, I can have a daily reprieve and do better the next day. I try not to be hard on myself when I do choose badly. I work out really hard and I have made so much progress but it’s just that….progress NOT perfection.